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Tuesday, October 24, 2006

now is 12.17 and i am still sitting in front of my com...having lesson tml at 9 but suddenly feel like blogging...i have know someone for at least half a yr already but only recently do we start chatting with each other...she is someone who i tink has a lot of character...which i really admire her for tat...she seems to be someone who knows wat she wans and put in her efforts to achieve it...tis is jus so unlike me...i dono wat i wan...i have no specific goals in my life...i am indecisive which i really hate myself for tat...

life is often about choices...there is no right or wrong choices, it is how u feel tat decides how u choose...but for me i am often indecisive when it comes to making a choice...sld i choose tis or sld i choose tat...tis is a qn tat will keep repeating in my head but with no conclusion...in my 18 yrs in life now, i have made many choices...choices tat would make me regret the whole life and choices tat i know i have made it right...i believe there are many who have made more choices of regret than choices tat they are happy with...i am no expection...

one choice tat i know i will regret for life is my choice of friends...i cant say i have no friends...i have tons and tons of friends but none is a true friend...maybe there is only one who i can call my true friend but he is in a faraway place...since i have so many friends but y do i still feel lonely...does anyone know the feeling of loneliness...feeling of emptiness...i'm not sure whether tis is how i am feeling now but i'm sure i am feeling very alone now...have anyone try calling all of ur friends out but in the end u end up alone on a street tat seems so familiar yet so strange at the same time...i have tried it before...and its not only once but a few times...i feel like a loner with many friends surrounding me yet they are out of my reach...

in front of others i am always a cheerful and bubbly person...but behind my happy face is hidden with a sad and moody face...i act like i am a very confident person but actually i am someone with low self esteem...i am very generous with tings and try my very best to give in to every request ppl make to me in hope tat they will make me as one of their friend...but i might not turn out the way tat i hope...friends sld be a ting tat comes naturally...but i have to make it look so superficial...do u know the feeling of enviness and jealousy when u see others happily with their friends while u having none of it ard u...i hide the real me and display a fake me in the quest of making friends...maybe tat y no one truly befriends me...

i am not saying everyone of my friends don treat me with a true heart...the point y i am writing all tis is to hope everyone can treasure and cherish their own friends and not make them feel left out and lonely...and i am also certainly not writing all tis to gain sympathy from others...it is jus a part of my feeling which upsets me a lot...i don have many wishes...my only wish is to have a few true and close friends who will be with me whenever i need them...sharing happiness and saddness tgt...


notes of a tragedy
9:24 AM