i'm such a loser. aint a man at all. i jus couldnt take it like a man. i jus had to do this things and say those words to hurt u so that i could feel better. what a god damn loser i am. i wish for u to be happy too. if possible stay happy while being with me. but i made everything impossible now. being with me made me realised how bad a guy i was. i couldnt give u anything u want and only cause u hurt and pain with my actions and words. maybe its only the beginning that he treats u nice but i really hope he will treat u better den i do. and i believe he will. i am sorry for being such a lousy bf to u for this 1 year 21 days. i don have any rights to hold on to u anymore. u are not a bitch, i am the jerk.

if i had stayed and u had tried, what would become of us now? i still love u, still miss u and care for u. can u feel it? i doubt so. i am the biggest loser in this world.

notes of a tragedy
2:29 AM


10 days have passed since we broke up. during this period of time i have many many thoughts going thru my mind. i was with her 1 year 21days. this might not be a very long time for everyone but to me this is my longest r/s. i was really serious towards her but it jus results in her leaving me. so y must i be so serious?

for once in my whole life, i tried being serious about somebody and it backfired. causing me the pain and hurt that i nv thought would happen to me. even after we broke up, her lies didnt stop. it jus got worse and really, i am afraid for her words already. worse still, she could justify her lies jus by saying, its all white lies. said jus solely for me, to preserve out r/s. its so scary to see this happening.

i am not a saint. i do lie to others whether its white lies or real lies. i do hurt ppl with my lies. and now finally i realised the seriousness of lies. her lies have hurt me too much. i cant promise i wont ever lie again but i will try my very best not to.

notes of a tragedy
7:01 AM


i was resting in the restroom in camp today and i was alone. missing u so much, it made me took out yr photo in my wallet to see u. this is the only way i can see yr face now. without realising it in an instant, i found myself talking to the u in the photo. asking u alot of qns that u can't ans at all. i feel so dumb!

u are unhappy? is it cause of me? miss me? u said u wanna give up but i am not sure y. therefore i wanna tell u don give up. there is always jus that lil bit of hope in everything. including us! believe in whatever u can believe ok.

I LOVE U!

notes of a tragedy
7:00 AM


today i am on mc cause i fell sick due to flu and cough. so for the whole day i had to stay home to recuperate. during this whole period of time, i jus keep thinking about u. yes u! EUODIA TAN WAN YING. i sat around in my room flipping thru everything that concerns u. yr fb, yr pics, yr msn, yr psp and the cards that u made for me. everything jus makes me long for u!

wonder if it's fate or coincidence. i was in this website while surfing the net and i saw this very interesting sentence that caught my eye immediately.

it says - FORGIVENESS IS THE FINAL FORM OF LOVE by Reinhold Niebuhr. i dono who the hell this guy is but his one sentence made me understood everything and got me out of my confusion.

i love u euodia tan wan ying and for this reason i forgive everything u have done. maybe we will nv be back together but i still wanna show u my love for the last time even if u will nv notice it. I HAVE ALREADY FORGIVEN U!

having said all this, i wanna congratulate u for successfully graduating from poly. i saw the photos of u in yr graduation gown le. u look so beautiful in it.

I MISS U, GIRL! are u getting along well? where have u been this few days? do u miss me? so many qns running thru my mind but i can't ask any. i still wanna know everything about u. what u are doing today? what u ate today? EVERYTHING, tell me girl cause i love u and i miss u!

notes of a tragedy
4:24 AM


oh my god!!!!!! i really wanna shout it out loud. let everything that is hidden in my heart be released! how can u do this to me? jus broke up like one day and u start flirting in facebook with yr colleague. wtf is this? are u really planning on treating me as an idiot even after our break up. u are so hateful! i gave my all in this r/s, u know? i guess its jus like what my friends said. i was serious towards the wrong person le. always saying i am a flirt and all but what happens in the end? i see u flirting with yr colleague in fb. fuck man. u are such a BITCH!

notes of a tragedy
3:42 AM


hi to my one and only remaining follower of this stupid blog, which is me myself. hahaha kinda stupid isnt it. i decided to blog because sth unhappy happened to me. til now i am still feeling very upset. how sld i describe this pain i am experiencing now. nv ever felt this way b4. SO DEPRESSING!

let's get back on track! what kinda mistakes can u give forgive and what kind u cant forgive? someone close did sth to me and i really really wanna forgive her and keep her by my side. yet my male ego and pride forbids me to do so. am i being a male chauvinist here?

let's anaylse this whole situation - yr gf told u that she had lie to her best friend that she is in another r/s with another guy. which means its a fake r/s, right? and so u tot she jus verbally told her best friend that. would u forgive this? if yes den stop reading and move yr cursor to the cross sign at the top right hand corner and close off this window. if yr ans is no den pls continue scrolling down.

so directly u go home and view yr gf's facebook status, and what u see next shocks u totally like a lighting strike. her fb status shows she is in another r/s with another guy. up til now can anyone forgive this? let's continue.

next u flare up and u call yr gf and qn her y is her status that way. and what she says is - its all for fun! so both of u start arguing and she keeps asking u to forgive her while still maintaining that status. no matter how much u said, she jus wont remove the status. ok now would u think that she is lying? and that she is in actual fact in a real r/s with another guy. not like what she said in the first place, that everything is jus a misunderstanding and a fake. would u think she is two timing u? I WOULD! however she keeps saying no and ask u to forgive her. would u?

every one of this things that i jus mention is all happening to me now. and it has caused me my r/s cause i refused to forgive her and left her. did i do the right thing? i really love this girl and so much wanna be with her but will everything go back to the same if we start all over again. will the feelings still be the same? i'm in a confusion mode right now and feeling very stress, sad and depress, anything u can use to describe an unhappy mood, u can use it now.

1year 21days and in one night, everything is gone, leaving only memories of us behind.

notes of a tragedy
6:54 AM


Day 3 (01/02/2010) :

You don't know how happy i am to receive your message today even though it was just a message to ask me to return you your jacket. i know you are suffering because of me but i too am suffering in silence for the decision i made. do you even know it? i don't wanna tell you because i love you. i have my personal problems and i am caught in between. i thought about it long and hard, came up with the decision and muster all my courage to bring it up to you. i didn't meant to say those nasty, hurtful and heartless words to you. i had my reasons and it's not how you think it is.

You said you still love me. do you know i love you still too? and i still feel the same for you just like the past 9 months even after our break up. i am sorry i hurt you but at the same time i hurt myself too. i don't understand why can't we even be friends at all. i really wish we could end this on a happy note and still be friends because i don't want to lose contact with you. guess i can only think about it now. nothing gonna help or savage anything from our broken relationship anymore.

notes of a tragedy
4:14 AM

Eddie Tang.
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